Cast List: YFIG 30 NUTS 2 9 ENDIVE 2 7 NUTS 1 6 ENDIVE 1 3 MATCH 1 NUTS 3 1 COMTÉ 1 SHALLOTS 1 1 INT. APARTMENT HONFLEUR - DAY Yfig installs on the small coffee table , a bowl resting on a piece of newspaper to collect walnut’s shells and their bursts and a basket half filled with walnuts . Grabbing the remote, he puts the TV on mute, in background if you prefer. Ass in the TV chair, he grabs the first walnut and using a knife with short but strong blade , he begins to disembowel it to remove the delicious creamy kernels. When he positioned the tip of his knife into the walnut slot, he hears an unknown voice saying : 1 NUTS 1 Hééééééé! Hoooooo! stop, noooooooo! ? 2 YFIG (very surprised, shocked!) ??????????? It is you who is speaking? 3 NUTS 1 Ouch! you’re nuts! ? it hurts, remove your knife immediately! 4 YFIG (to himself aside but strong enough to be heard by the TV) I have to sleep, I am making a kind of nightmare .... 5 NUTS 1 Ouch ! I tell you, withdraw the blade of my ass, you hurt me by god ! 6 YFIG (aside) An atheist nuts! It does not put an uppercase to ’god’! 7 NUTS 1 Withdraw the blade or I’ll ... 8 YFIG You’ll make me what? 9 NUTS 1 I sue you for physical torture! 10 YFIG But stop a while messing around, a walnut is not a being, it is a fruit, a walnut does not speak a walnut it closes its mouth ... And presto, with a jerk, he separe both shell portion to reach the heart tender and tasty of walnut. ) 11 NUTS 1 (it lets out a piercing cry of pain and then shuts up) 12 YFIG Who’s the boss! ? After carefully separate the kernels of walnuts, he grabs a second walnut ... 13 NUTS 2 ((trembling like a leaf ...)) Noooooo pity, rip me not, I’m young, I have a few good days to live ... Pity! 14 YFIG But what is this jest ? 15 NUTS 2 I saw what you did to Caroline, please do not make me suffer the same martyr ... 16 YFIG You also going to sue me? 17 NUTS 2 No, I will not do anything, I will not anger you, but spare me, rather take another walnut, older than me who has the right to die with dignity ... 18 YFIG An old stunted walnut tasting like cardboard, that’s what you want me to put in my salad? 19 NUTS 2 Ah! Because you make a salad? 20 YFIG Yeah, why do you think I break walnuts? 21 NUTS 2 But what kind of salad? 22 YFIG A walnut salad. 23 NUTS 2 There’s only walnuts in your salad? 24 YFIG Oh no, nuts are only some tasty ingredients to make an endives salade sweet and slightly bitter. 25 NUTS 2 But .... have You checked that you had enough endives ? 26 YFIG You think I am stupid ? 27 NUTS 2 No, not at all, but ... I was thinking like that, it would be beastly to peel nuts if you do not succeed to make endive salad, as walnuts, once opened, their little hearts wither, shrivel, age and end up taking a nasty taste like cardboard. 28 YFIG Yep! Don’t move, I cast a glance in the fridge ... Of course, he finds the endive package that he stored there. He grabs it and opens it. He grabbed an endive and passes it under cold water to wash ... when ... 29 ENDIVE 1 Ahhhhh! It’s cold! 30 YFIG ((aside ... amazed)) But ! You realize? A endive that talks ! I’m going crazy or what??? 31 ENDIVE 1 Please, stop, water’s too cold! 32 YFIG If this is a joke, it is in very bad taste! (He picks a bowl in the cupboard, a sharp knife in the drawer and begins to cut the endive into strips ...) 33 ENDIVE 1 (Pushes a great shrill and desperate cry ! He grabs one second endive and places it under the tap to clean ...) 34 ENDIVE 2 (pleads) Please, do not make to me what you have done to my friend Julie, do not cut me like a sausage , I do not wanna die , I’m too young ... Yfig interrupts . 35 YFIG Do you intend to replay me the walnut trick ? 36 ENDIVE 2 What is the " walnut trick "? 37 YFIG Forget it! 38 ENDIVE 2 Why do you want to slice us? 39 YFIG To make my salad, by Jove . 40 ENDIVE 2 What is it like salad? 41 YFIG Endive salad with walnuts and Comté. 42 ENDIVE 2 What is it ’Comté’ ? 43 YFIG Well ... French cheese. 44 ENDIVE 2 And you have checked that you have any? 45 YFIG Ah ! I catch you in the act of plagiarism , you’re making me the walnut trick ! 46 ENDIVE 2 And if you do not have a Comté ? 47 YFIG It’s starting to piss me off ! He opens the fridge , grabs the county, and rips the packaging .... the cheese cries 48 COMTÉ NOOOOOO Please, do not behead me , I do not wanna die ... 49 YFIG ((surprised, he drops the cheese. )) Doggone non god ! What the fuck ! ((He pinches himself ... )) Ouch! But it’s painful, I do not sleep , it’s crazy ... yes, that’s it, I’m going crazy ... He throws a quick look around him 360 ř without moving his body ... He is in the kitchen, on the worktop the first bowl of chicory , the second endive is lying down next to the bowl on the other side , cheese he dropped ... and in the lounge, on the coffee table the basket of nuts and a container with two kernels and nuts on the table. 50 YFIG (talking to himself) There’s something wrong! But what? So he sees the photophore on the mantel ... He goes to the fireplace, install a brand new candle and catches the matchbox. He takes a match, but being near to ignite it, the match exclaims ... 51 MATCH NOOOOOO, please, do not scratch me, I do not want to burn, not already, let me live a little ... 52 YFIG Well, then, enough is enough! He leave himself fall in the chair, closes his eyes and falls asleep. 53 YFIG (awaking) How long have I been asleep? ... Nothing has changed. Nuts are ahead him and from far, he sees the endives’ package , the bowl and the Comté on the working plan of the kitchen. He grabs the second walnut and a knife ... 54 NUTS 2 NOOOOOO pity, do not disembowels me, I do not want to die .... 55 YFIG ((determined not to let himself die of hunger ...)) Sorry, my dear, but it’s you or me! Crac, he bursts it, she screams, he pulls out the beautiful kernels and grabs the next walnut screaming ... 56 NUTS 3 NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO ... Crac, crac, crac ... he guts, he dissects, he beheads, he slices ... he hashes yelling, screaming, sobbing ... 57 YFIG Good! Where are the shallots ..... In the cupboard one can hear shallots sobbing ... 58 SHALLOTS no, no, mercy, pity we do not want to die, please, do not peel us ... 59 YFIG (Totally demotivated, he goes to the door) Good! I’m going to eat at the restaurant ... there, at least, everything is already dead in the plate !